5 Reasons Why Many Christian Guys Remain Single

God has a sense of humor. When I wrote 5 Reasons Why Many Christian Girls Remain Single, I never meant to follow it up with the same topic directed at men. But God had other ideas! Two days ago, I decided not to listen to music as I normally do in the morning but turned the radio on, hoping to hear a sermon. What I heard as I scanned for the right channel was a reading from the expositor study bible from Son life radio station here in Baton Rouge.

The couple on the radio was reading from Genesis 24 – the story of how Eliezer (Abraham’s servant) took a wife for Isaac. That particular morning, the story gripped me in a way that I had hitherto experienced. I quickly jotted down what the message spoke to me and headed out to work. Later that day, I read the story of Eliezer again. This time, the reasons why many Christian men remain single became unequivocally clear.

He is Not Listening to God’s direction

When Abraham spoke to Eliezer, he specifically directed him to go back to his (Abraham’s) land and family to take a wife for Isaac. Without godly direction, many men simply guess at where they should go to take a wife. They travel here and there, chatting up wrong women after wrong women. By the time they actually get to the place God wants them, the stories of their travels have already reached the land. The women of the land are no longer interested because they do not feel special…they feel like common currency instead of a pearl of great prize. They think, I am one of many he could love, not the one that he loves. Moreover, the man starts to look desperate to them as they start to wonder why the other women did not pick the man up. Nothing puts off a woman more than a desperate man.      

But  guys who move with godly direction do not become unequally yoked with those from strange lands. They do not have to chase after another man’s future wife!  Instead they set their course to the land of God and to the house of God, which is now their house by birthright. Guys, that is the only place where we find the sister that the Lord has planned for us.

He is Not Prepared to Meet His Mate

When Eliezer left, he left with all his master’s goods…which he put on his camels. When we leave to find our beloved, we must not go empty-handed but must leave with the goods of God. We must carry with us the love of God and the gift of the Spirit of God. We must be ready to be a blessing to her instead of going empty-handed, having to ask for and live off some of her stuff. Men, it is extremely difficult for a woman to respect a man who is not ready – who is not ready to be leader, provider, spiritual leader, and godly man that he has been called to become. When we go to find our wives, we must pack our bags of goodies and go. If we have nothing to put in the goody bag, it is not quite our time…we still have some work to do.

He Has Not Positioned Himself in the Right Spot 

When Eliezer got to his destination with his goods in hand, he positioned himself in a spot by the well where he could see the women of the land. It is tragic to think that many godly guys – who are following the will of God and have readied themselves for marriage miss out because they do not purposefully hand around godly women. They expect God to drop a wife on their lap without looking. I wonder if Eliezer would have met Rebekah if he had not purposefully positioned himself to be able to observe the women.

Just as Eliezer did, we have to position yourselves in the right spot and then pray to God to show us which woman he desires for us. Too many good men leave too many good women single because they simply will not position themselves in the right spot. Then both the men and women say ‘there is no good man or women around, they are all taken! No, they are not all taken…they are simply in the wrong spot!

He Beats About the Bush

When Eliezer saw Rebekah, he did not hang around or beat about the bush, but the bible tells us that he ran to her. Men, we cannot become shy and coy when we see an all round desirable godly woman. She will not be at the well forever! She has other things to do and a purpose to fulfill. If you are Mr. Snail, then you may find that she is gone or disinterested by the time you sum up the courage to go to her.

This reminds me of the man who had been waiting to get into the pool of Bethesda for 38 years, who Jesus asked if he wanted to be made well. Instead of just saying yes, the first words that came out of his mouth were excuses! He was going to miss the opportunity to get well because he had pinned his hope on the waters!

Similarly, you cannot pin your hopes on the lady you so desire noticing you per chance as you beat about the bush. If you are going to pursue her, then pursue her!

He Never Made His Intentions Clearly Known

When Eliezer caught up to Rebekah and she had watered his camels, he made it known to her the intention of his actions and his visit. Alas, after positioning and pursuing, too many men miss out on destiny because they end up in the friendship zone! After getting the woman’s initial attention, they do not fess up to their hearts intentions out of fear of being rejected. So they end up being the best friends of these women…doing all kind of things for them…and then watch as other men swoop. Sadly, the woman who once saw you as husband potential starts to think you are not interested and starts to see you as a friend. Men, we have to tell her our intentions. The worst thing that can happen is that she is does not go with you. If she is not interested, it is not rejection, it is simply re-direction. So tell her what you intentions her! She will respect you even if she does not care to follow you!

Food for Thought: Instead of standing in hope, start walking in faith until you meet your destiny

48 Comments

Filed under Relationships

48 responses to “5 Reasons Why Many Christian Guys Remain Single

  1. Reblogged this on Committed To Mystery and commented:
    Articles reprimanding Christian women abut why they are still single and advising them on what they should do about it are a dime a dozen, but this is the first time I’ve ever seen something directed at men, especially from a Christian perspective! After all, the bible says “HE who finds a wife finds a good thing…” (Proverbs 18:22) not “She who finds a husband…” Single Christian men take heed!

  2. Pingback: 5 Things Every Girl Ought To Know | rumbidzayIIshe

  3. Thank you again…this is so so true….

  4. this is very powwerful nd informative..l wish ol guys can read this

  5. Reblogged this on mcwilton and commented:
    Wow, I loved this.

  6. Pingback: Still Single: Three Possible Reasons Why |

  7. Yep. Guilty as charged. ^^;;;;

  8. lotreqs

    To say the most that’s not entirely correct. Wait on god’s timing should be the rule above this five rules. He missed it. Everything else he said comes second. A derivative.

    • Anonymous

      ^ I agree wholehearted with this.

      Having rushed into multiple failed relationships when I was younger, here’s my advice. Just wait God out. He’s got everything worked out, all according to his plan. Why would you try to mess God’s plan up? If you meet someone who has everything that you’re looking for, that’s great. BUT you’ve gotta talk it out with God. Be 100% sure that it is what God wants for your life before you even think about making a move on that person.

      The last thing you want to do is get into a relationship against God’s master plan for your life.

    • Anonymous

      Well, that’s not entirely accurate. There are times that God is waiting for us to “step out of the boat” such that he may bless the work of our hands. So while we r passively waiting for Him, He is waiting for us to act.
      I mean, the acts of the apostles would never hve been written if the the apostles had never acted! Don’t u think?

    • Don’t you think that’s part of the first rule? Listening to God’s direction. How can one say they have listened to God’s direction if they do not follow the timing instructions too? So… he did not miss it. You misinterpreted the first rule. As most of us do in our daily lives.

  9. Rachel

    Sounds like you and Matt Walsh would have a lot to talk about!

    http://themattwalshblog.com/2014/06/19/dear-single-men-time-man-figure/2/#respond

    Thanks for your posts… I’m forwarding Why Christian Girls Remain Single to a few girlfriends who are still “holding out”… I don’t want them to hit 60 before reading this!🙂

  10. jimisayo

    I was really blessed.

  11. So powerful! This is true!

  12. UC

    Good points from the Word of God.

    However, Isaac married Rebekah not Eliezer lol

    Somehow I think the author ought to have written the article out to state more clearly that Isaac was the then bridegroom to be and not Eliezer.

    Other than that, good points from the Word of God.

    A very important one, that God still gives direction today! We don’t do the picking and choosing but rather find out who HE has chosen from before the foundations of the world.

    • Hello UC,

      Thanks for your comments. Please note an excerpt from the article. “The couple on the radio was reading from Genesis 24 – the story of how Eliezer (Abraham’s servant) took a wife for Isaac”.

      Eliezer was acting on behalf of Isaac on the orders of Abraham. In essence, he was representing Isaac in this story.

  13. Chin

    The way your first point links to desperation seems pretty abrupt and simplistic. Not every man that doesn’t listen to God’s direction turns out desperate. It’s a whole spectrum, a lot of which is personal choice in how the man carries himself.

    Besides, your elaboration seems pretty one-sided. So much about what the woman feels and nothing about what the guy feels and can do. You make it sound like a lost cause. Isn’t a relationship between two people? It’s not as straightforward as just pick the right person and voila! all set for eternity. It’s also about communication between two people – opinions can be changed (for good or for worse) through commitment and time. Yes it’s ideal to follow God’s direction and meet who He wants us to meet – I never challenged that – but saying things will NEVER work out otherwise seems very misleading.

  14. Pingback: 5 Reasons Why Many Christian Guys Remain Single | To Joy, Spontaneity and Love

  15. Laurent

    I cannot believe I am the only one who saw this . “It is tragic to think that many godly guys – who are following the will of God and have readied themselves for marriage miss out because they do not purposefully hand around godly women.” Maybe Christian women don’t want to be “handed around”.

  16. jared

    This story tells me that a guy needs a good wingman. One that will find the woman, talk me up, tell her stories about me, and bring her to me. Because Isaac was at home and the unamened servant (its just guessed to be eliezer), did all the lookimg and chatting and gift providing.
    If anything this story teached guys to wait at home while some other guy finds him a wife.

    • Episteme

      I was about to say the same thing!

      Oddly enough, I *have* commented about how Single Christian Women seem to run in packs if the Internet is to be believed (thanks to taking care of my elderly father, I’m stuck ‘handing’ around where they aren’t) while Single Christian Men run solo. Even secular men in the hookup culture, for all the flaws of that environment, find the “success” that they do there via group dynamics and use of wingmen — while there’s isn’t much for us for us Single Christian Men to learn from our Secular Hookup Men kin, perhaps the use of a second (which *did* have it’s foundations in courtship) is one of those that we should take back…

  17. Pingback: 5 Reasons Why Many Christian Guys Remain Single | GOdly Christian Living And Prayers today - GOCLAP

  18. Onabamiji Isaac O.

    God bless you. Keep up the good work.

  19. I do not believe in rushing into a relationship, lust at first sight, the problem is how long should you hang around before proposing, note that dating is not in the bible, so I would like to link this to our times and say friendship is more important before knowing if she is a wife, but many believe friendzoning means you cant get married, my question is who will you want to marry? a person that is not a friend? being a snail may seem like a flaw, but even snails still get married in God’s time.

  20. There is just one small problem with this story. Eliezer wasn’t the man. He was the WING MAN. He did the asking for the actual man.

    • Hello SavvySingleChristian,

      Please note an excerpt from the article. “The couple on the radio was reading from Genesis 24 – the story of how Eliezer (Abraham’s servant) took a wife for Isaac”.

      Eliezer was acting on behalf of Isaac on the orders of Abraham. In essence, he was representing Isaac in this story.

  21. fredrick brewer

    I like the theory of this article, but of is too contrived. The story you use would have been better if Isaac chased after her, but in stead the points you give are in conparision to the slave who does the will of his master. Second, if you are correct, then Rebecka had no choice but to go with this man, which is not the case. You can not fit every love story into this pattern. I know of many a marriage that works that does not follow this thinking.

  22. Informative. I wrote an article recently about what men/women should know about finding their Mr/Mrs Right. If you click on my name, you will be taken to my blog and the article is there.

  23. Pingback: 5 Reasons Why Many Christian Guys Remain Single | Seeds of my Enlightenment

  24. Reblogged this on The Daily Connection and commented:
    Having read 5 Reasons Why Many Christian Girls Remain Single, I was pleased to see that there was a male side. I couldn’t agree more. I’m a single Christian female and I have come across guys who are Christians who fall into the categories mentioned, sometimes more than one category. But in the end I think both articles bring perspective and should make us introspective and cause us examine our relationships on the whole.

  25. mina

    This really true

  26. Mac

    In my country, there is a high unemployement rate and its very difficult to get a job; I have a lady that I love so dearly. She is a christian, loves the Lord. I want to marry asap and have made that known to her, my friends, my parents, my pastors and have already visited her parents. We recently went through the book of James together and 3 quarters of 1 John. We pray for each other to grow in christlikeness. She teaches sunday school at her church and I song-lead and lead the service at my church. My problem though, is that in order to marry her, I must have R50 000, which is $5000 I think; I have been seeking for employement, I studied IT Software Development and have now taught myself web development because there are a lot of jobs there. She is currently working. I didn’t have any benefit of being funded at school and only saw my 1st, 2nd and 3rd year results after a year of my diploma. In the midst of all these issues and parental neglect, I still want to marry this lady; who has been so loving and very patient with me. I am currently trying to start a business selling websites and am on my first projects. Please offer me some sound advices and your prayers. Thanks, Grace to you.. Thanks for the post…

    • Hello Mac,

      Thank you for reaching out. Concerning marriage, I want you to remember that Mary and Joseph were not well-off when they married (they were only able to sacrifice doves instead of a lamb). Yet their marriage was God ordained…so they got married. From your message, it sounds as if everyone is already in agreement with regards to the marriage. If this is the case AND the peace of the Lord is with you, then please move forward with the marriage. I am unsure the R50,000 requirement. Is this some sort of bride-price, is it the cost for a wedding, or is it part of the law of the land?

      Mac, if the price is not a dictate of the law of the land, consider these words: Whom the Lord has put together, let no man (with his traditions or self-imposed rules and wants) separate. If God has already put you and this lady together in spirit, then nothing should stop both of you from being lawfully joined together.

      The Lord says that all things that you want will be added onto you as you seek first His Kingdom and its righteousness. The word of God has promised to bless the work of your hand as you continue in Him. Do not despair my friend. You continue to move in faith and make your requests known to God. He will surely come to your aid. The Lord will ensure you can take care of your family! Just continue to make Him your security and He will provide the security you so desire. He has never failed and He is not about to begin now!

    • Bruce Wayne

      Hi my friend….. Wishing you success in your marriage.

      Check: http://www.fiverr.com many people go there to show case their work. People from around the World will employed you for temporary jobs you can charge $20 us and up for work you do. And more….. Hope this helps

  27. Like I purposefully searched for blogs by single christian males and I’m glad I did. Having the perception from both sexes is really something.

    I have heard that line about single men lacking the courage to make their intentions known to a lady even when the Holy Spirit is leading them (and I thought we were the only shy ones :))

    I have to say, thank you for this; I love learning new things everyday!

  28. rhsministries

    Reblogged this on R.H.S. Ministries.

  29. Bruce Wayne

    I really enjoyed this. Wonderfully put.

  30. I see women at church getting together with unsuitable males, often non Christians mainly because of superficial reasons like looks, voice and height. Godly guys if the have any visible perceived flaws are ignored. God looks at the heart however. The article on why Christian women remain single has some accurate observations but this article is does not face the real problem that suitable men are not deemed suitable. I think it is teaching issue that women can expect to marry a movie star or leave it to close to forty years old when it may be too late to start a family. The Bible says older women should teach younger women to love their husbands. Maybe they should also teach them how to get one.

  31. AnHonestRealGoodTrueAnswer

    Well with so many women today that now have their Careers which made them so very high maintenance, independent, selfish, spoiled, greedy, picky and so very money hungry is the real reason why many of us Good men are still Single today since the women over the years have really Changed.

  32. David

    I honestly think, as a single Christian man that this a load of crap. Women and men alike are manipulated and conditioned to be attracted to particular societal trends/expectations/norms depending on the context of inhabitance. For example, if you live in Tasmania, there are many Christian men who do all 5 things as Eliezer has done for Bek BUT because these men aren’t deemed attracted or desirable based on appearance, ethnicity, interests, by the Christian women and as a result have remained single in their 30s and still are going into their 40s.
    None of these 5 points are true, people make the decision. This story is just written up to provide blinded hope. God doesn’t have anything to do with providing a spouse.

  33. Christine

    Truth be told. Awesome teaching.

  34. seventiesjason

    Again…..we Christians have brought all the expectations of the “secular world” with dating, courtship, romance, love, and marriage into our church culture expecting different results because we put a “Christian” stamp on it. Don’t believe me? We have crass materialism in the church, crass careerism (if a man cannot provide the American dream, he is not deemed worthy of a wife in our church-culture for example…..he needs to get a “real job” or be a pastor / elder in a well-to-do suburban church). Look at all the blogs on how to approach women with zero talk on how to even build a relationship or a partnership that honors God.

    It’s insanity, and it cannot be summed up by “five bullet points” for men or women on why they are single. We don’t fit into “neat peg boards” and we don’t fit into a predetermined personality type (Christians of late using the Meyers-Briggs personality tests to determine who they are, and who they are compatible with is disheartening……it shows there is no hope, this is “who” we are and Christ cannot change us. Pathetic).

    Romance, weddings, a ring, dresses, photographer……..what to say and when to say it. All fitting a “play” on what a real relationship is supposed to look like. Locking into what the future spouse will be by drifting into Christian romance novels…..writing letters to your future husband (no, that sets up “zero” expectations of what he will be like……as if). Men drifting into “Biblical Manhood” with stupid comparisons to football instead of looking at the real Jesus. Cloaking masculinity and Jesus with dumb workshops and belittling because that’s how “men get things done”

    God didn’t “change his mind” about marriage and dating forty years ago. We did. We changed it and we expect the same results. You don’t need to kiss dating goodbye. You don’t need “marriage 2.0” and you don’t need to listen to any man-up-shaming sermon.

    You need to have confidence in Christ alone. Pastors / leaders need to straight up start TEACHING men on how to lead. Giving opportunities, guiding, gently admonishing. Women need to be taught how men respond to their godly and beautiful female nature. It’s going to take a TON of work to reverse this trend, and it’s just easier to “blame all the Christian men” than actually build solutions. Let me say this again, it’s going to take work that no one in church leadership really wants to do.

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