Tag Archives: truth

Winning the Battle Over Depression – Part II – What Anxiety Does to the Heart

This series comes as a result of a friend who battles with depression asking that I write something on the topic that may help her. I promised her that I would do it about two months ago. This series looks at depression from a biblical perspective. I hope it helps anyone struggling with depression in some way.

Note: I encourage you to read the earlier posts associated with this series to give yourself the best opportunity to get the most out of this topic. For Part I, click here

What Anxiety Does to the Heart

As he thinks in his heart, so is he – Proverbs 23:7

There is a what we think in our mind, then there is what we think in our heart. What we think in our heart is deeper and has a long lasting effect. According to the bible, what we think in our heart is the determining factor on who we become, and by extension, I will add sets the course of our lives.

Point A: The thoughts of our heart holds the power to control the trajectory of our life.

There is no solving the depression issue without solving the heart issue. When anxiety enters the heart, it causes “dis-ease” or “lack of ease” in the heart such that the thoughts of our hearts (what we hold to be true in the depths of our being) begins to stoop (bow down, pay homage, or otherwise worships) to anything else other than the truth.

Point B: Depression is not a disease (dis-ease) of the mind, but it is a disease of the heart. Hence it is less about what you think is true in your mind, but more about what you believe to be the truth in your heart.

Please read the next sections very carefully and re-read as often as needed until you truly understand:

What is true is different than what is truth! A truth is a fact that NEVER  changes regardless of situation, circumstance, or how much time has elapsed. Something that is true on the hand is a fact, but that fact can change with time, circumstance, or situation. Another way of differentiating between true and truth is this: What is true is temporary but what is truth is permanent.

In our inner ideal world, truths become laws or principles that form the bedrock of our beliefs, shape our identity, and mold the way we see our world. Note that from a biblical point of view, since God holds all truth, only He should be able determine our truths.

Unfortunately, there are those times when our inner world becomes less than ideal. It is in these moment that anxiety can kick in and then things other than the truth begin to shape our belief, identity, and the way we see our / the world.

Point C: Anxiety in the heart turns an unpleasant temporary fact into our truth.

Once an unpleasant temporary fact turns into our truth in our hearts, our heart begins to interpret the present through the lens of the past unpleasant fact, thereby mortgaging our futures. Another way to say the same thing is this:  Anxiety in our heart causes us to get stuck in a moment / temporary experience, and then interprets all future possibilities through the lens of that past moment / temporary experience. This is why changing environment has little lasting impact on depression sufferers although it may offer temporary respite.

Note: In the above paragraph, there is a difference between the truth and our truth

Worse still, anxiety in our hearts keep us in an infinite loop where our unpleasant past experience causes us to have unpleasant present experiences, which we then remember in the future as unpleasant past experiences.

If you can relate to this, then it is very possible that there is some life experience, statement, situation, or condition that may or may not be true (factual) that you have taken to be truth (the truth for you being something you deeply believe that in your heart you truly think will never change).

Point D: We should not let what is true explain the truth, but we should let the truth explain what is true.Ask yourself these questions – What do I truly believe in my heart? When did I start to believe it? Is what I believe in my heart truly permanent or it is temporary? Are my believes in line with the truth?

It is possible that you anxiety exists where your truth is a lie and not the truth – when we believe a lie, we live a lie. And that lie can steal our joy. It is only the truth that will set us free.

Next Time We Will Discuss The Topic – The Root Cause of Anxiety

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What Women Want from Men (Part I)

Men are often clueless when it comes to what women want! The lack of skill in handling women has left many men frustrated in their relationships.  The movie What Women Want highlights this dilemma. In it, ladies man Mel Gibson had absolutely no idea what women really thought about him. He thought he had women figured out but he had no clue!

He had no idea how far off base he was when it came to women until an accident gave him the ability to hear women’s thoughts. But even after this, he did not know what to do what the thoughts he heard for they differed from woman to woman!

The last point brings me to this disclaimer: No one can say they have mastered what women want. To think this would be ignorance at best. Even so, the things that I am about to share is likely to help any man in his relationship. Of course, women will ultimately be the best judge of this.

So, what do women want? The first thing women want is SECURITY

Women want a secure man

Women feel secure with men who are secure in who they are and what they want in life. It brings a sense of stability and security. Indeed, how can a woman be secure that she can be led by a man if the man does not show that he can lead himself?

Nothing fills a woman more with insecurity than a secretly insecure man. It makes the woman feel as if the man is trying to hide something. This in itself makes women feel very uncomfortable.  The discomfort and insecurity that the lack of manly security evokes in women often shows up as the woman wanting to control the relationship. It may also show up as a power struggle in the relationship.

Men, if women are not showing you the respect you want, it is likely because there is something about you she is insecure about.

Light bulb moment: A secure man is one who finds his security in God. A secure man is one who can share his insecurity with his woman.

Women want to feel secure in the relationship   

Honesty is the key for a woman to feel secure in any relationship. The key advice for men is this: Be honest and truthful with her every time and all the time. Do not hide the truth even if you know she will be disappointed with you.

The lack of honesty and truthfulness in a man is a deal breaker for most women. She will think: If he is lying to me about this, I wonder how many other things he is lying about? Once this thought starts to enter into the mind of a woman, it is nigh impossible for her to get rid of them. Conversely, when a man is honest, the woman feels secure that she knows what she has – even if it is not the best thing.

Many women leave relationships not because of what was done but because their men were unable to tell the truth about it. In other words, while what was done may sink your relationship to the bottom, the bottom of truth and honesty can be the bedrock to rebuild the relationship.

Light-bulb moment: A woman who is secure in her relationship will feel free to focus on all that God has called her to be because she does not have to worry about her future. 

Women want to feel secure financially   

Financial security for a woman does not necessarily mean that she wants the man to be the bread winner of the house. It does mean that she wants to be secure in the knowledge that the man can take care of her if the need arises. This is especially true when she starts to bear children.

Many women secretly carry ‘momma guilt’ for leaving their kids and having to go to work. Moreover, many women resent needing to work. They want the option to work but need to know they have the option to stay home if they so choose.

Today, too many women choose to work despite not having to do so because they are insecure in their relationship. This comes across as ‘I do not want to depend on a man’. This saying normally comes from a woman who is fearful and insecure in her relationship or who has been deeply hurt.

But if anyone does not provide for his own, and especially for those of his household, he has denied the faith and is worse than an unbeliever – 1 Timothy 5:8

Light-bulb moment: Nothing unleashes the full potential of a woman than a secure man who provides financial and relationship security.

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I think I feel – You could be your own worst enemy!

Oh I think this; Oh I feel that! Just because we think it does not make it the truth, and just because we feel it does not make it real. And just because a friend agrees with it does not confirm it. Since what we feel stems from how we think, it stands to reason that we can change how we feel by changing how we think. The scripture gives credence to this by letting us now that ‘as a man thinks in his heart, so is he’ (Proverbs 3:27). So what kind of men or women are we? Does what we think line up with the Word? If whatever we are thinking does not line up with truth (the Word), then it is a lie! This lie in turn creates fantasy (untrue) emotions that lead us to speak lie-based words and take lie-based actions. We start living a lie-based life that keeps us in bondage – for only the truth brings freedom.

Since words create worlds and words come from thoughts, it is best to create a world of life and truth by inclining our ears to God’s word instead of creating a world of lies and death by acting on our own thoughts and feelings, even if they are supported by the world – which they most likely will be.

Yes, we all have our own thoughts and feeling and we will always have opinions. Yet, we must scrutinize them against the perfect law of liberty (the Word) when they come. If they do not jive with the Word, we must surrender them to God in humility for they are fear-based lies from the father of lies (Satan) who is most likely plaguing on our past experiences, fears, and insecurities.

Should we find that our thoughts never jive with the Word, it’s a sure sign to us to surrender our hearts, spend more time with Him in Word and prayer, and give up our control for His control. When we do this, our thoughts will begin to reflect more of his thoughts.

Remember, His thoughts towards us are good; always to prosper us and to give us a future and a hope (see Jeremiah 29:11).

Lightbulb MomentWhile our thoughts tend to be motivated by a mixture of good (love, hope) and evil (fear, pride, selfishness) and leads to foolishness at best, God’s thoughts are motivated by agape love and always lead to life.   

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What Matters Most in Life

What matters most is love. Without it, everything we do is empty and pointless. Even if we can move mountains, without love we are nothing (see 1 Corinthians 13:2). If love is so important, then why do we not show it more often? Its easy to say ‘I love you’, but we are warned to love in deed and in truth rather than in word or in tongue (see 1 John 3:18). See, true love requires action and expects nothing in return.

Failure in life is doing all that you think will make you a success and then realizing none of it mattered. Since what matters most is love, how are you showing it to your loved ones? If the ones you care for passed away today, would they have known your love or would they have only known about your love?

If there is someone you need to call, write, send flowers to, or reconcile with, do it today without delay!

Lightbulb Moment Sow love today like there is no tomorrow, and your tomorrow will be filled with love

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